My Ava Rose!!!

I'm in a writing mood tonite, so I'll make a second blog entry....

I hit the Powerball earlier this month for a hundred bucks. I didn't realize it until this past weekend when I finally got around to checking my tickets. So with that cash in my pocket, I went to pick up Ava from day care as I normally do on Monday. We have a routine of going to Taco Bell for dinner, her choice of choices! So she asks if we can go when we are walking to the truck and this is our conversation......
"Not today honey, I have a surprise for you!"
"Oh boy Pop Pop, I love surprises!What is it?"
"Well, if I tell you then it won't be a surprise will it?"
" No, but I love surprises!"

Duly noted, and filed! So I head towards Target which is right down the road. As we start to turn in, she notices and gets all excited....
" That's Target, Pop Pop! That's my favorite!!!" (Just about everything is her favorite, for reference...)
"Yes indeed, that is Target, honey."
" Are we going there?"
"Yes we are, honey."
At which point she lets loose with a very excited giggle, she knows that her surprise lies in said store..... warmed my heart to no end.
"Pop Pop is going to let you pick out a couple of toys, and that is your surprise!!"
"Can I go to the little girls section? "
"you can go to any section you want!"

I thought her little head was going to explode. She was amped to the max at this point and I could barely get her outta the seat she was squirming so bad. It struck me at that moment just how much I enjoy spoiling the shit out of this kid. I don't know who was more excited, her or me. I chuckled so much watching her pick the toys she wanted. I tried to make sure she looked at different things to be sure what she wanted was what she got. She quickly made up her mind on two items and before I knew it we were on our way to the checkout counter.  I tell her we have to go by the grocery store and pick up some milk on the way home, and she is ok but anxious to get home to start playing with her new toys.  We pull into the parking lot of the shopping center and as we are headed into the grocery store she spots Beall's outlet store.
"I wanna go there, Pop Pop."
"And what do you want there?"
"I need some new shoes, Pop Pop"

OMG!!! She is already a shopping hound......

And the cycle is complete once again, like mother, like daughter...... I flash back on a shopping trip long ago with her Mom, when she was roughly the same age. We went to the Mall to find a certain pair of tennis shoes she just had to have. Now I know why it gives me so much pleasure to spoil this child! It's because I have spoiled her Mom and Aunt Maddie all of their lives to the very best of my ability!!!!!! It's genetic engineering at work, I can't control it. Hell I don't even try anymore, that's the truth. At least with her Mom and Aunt I held back some....... I think, I'm pretty sure I did, maybe....... but with Ava, no freaking way, I have no control. It's the beauty of being a grandchild, the grandparents have a moral obligation and downright legal right to spoil and pamper in any way , shape, or form, so help me God!!!! At least I'm not the only one doing it, both her Nana's and Grandpa  are just as guilty as me. Remember, we have a moral obligation and God given right, by golly!!  At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!! In the end, I think I got the most out of that deal, I got to watch my Ava Rose light up with a big smile and make her feel special, which she is, no doubt.

And she got some furry slippers from Beall's.......... Come on, you knew it was gonna happen.......

Health & Food, or lack thereof .....

Hello again! True to form it has been awhile since I checked in. Madison is doing ok, thank God, although I feel like she has moments when it haunts her. I think of her (Princess), quite often myself and pray that I can see her, if that is in God's plan.
I have not been feeling too good myself. I had to have a stent put in due to a blocked artery, a couple of months back. I had this strange sensation for about a week or two in my chest. I liken it to the time I smoked Kool menthol cigarettes. I first noticed it when I was out in the yard working or actually piddling around. It was cold out and I took in a deep breath. That was when I noticed it, for lack of better description, an air conditioned chest sensation.  Kinda like smoking menthol cigarettes but more intense. It went away after I went inside and sat down, and I had that same sensation several times over the next week or so. It increasingly got a little more intense. It usually occurred during any kind of physical exertion. Then one morning getting ready for work it was real intense and all I was doing was putting on my shoes and bending over. That was it, I drove myself to the hospital that specializes in cardiac emergencies.
They immediately took me back and started monitoring and taking blood and all of that. I was in the hospital for the next 3 days gettin' fixed. I have never been so damn bored in all of my life! Three days doing nothing but watching TV, playing on the internet with my iPad and eating shitty hospital food, dammit man!!! My only saving grace was all of my family and friends coming by or calling to check up on me. I really appreciated all of the love shown to this Crazy Old Bastid', it warmed my hurt deeply.
My diabetes is really giving me fits of late. I am trying to get my blood sugar down to respectable level but it seems to be more elusive than the fabled pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. It seems like no matter what I do it does not have the desired results. I'm taking three different diabetic medicines, two different insulin shots and one pill. I take a total of 5 shots between the insulin types a day, when I can remember to take them. I'm pretty good at doing the shots first thing in the morning, and in the evening, but the one at lunch is hit and miss.
Damn, I just checked my blood sugar since I was thinking about it and it was 134! That is the lowest I have hit in forever. And this is about 3 hours after eating my dinner!! I had a salad with blueberries, strawberries, sunflower seeds, cranberries and easy on the croutons and Zesty Italian dressing. I'll have to remember that and start eating more salad. I just can't eat salad all the time though, and therein lies the problem. Being a bachelor and incapable of cooking worth a fuck, I rely on quick meals thrown together from, or out of a package. That is THE problem..... my diabetes and my heart condition are confirmation that I need to change my way of eating.  I can't always eat the right thing but I can make a conscious decision to eat the right thing more often. Which is why I chose the salad with all the berries in it. And it paid off. Now I just have to refrain from "snacking" on the wrong thing before retiring for the night. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this getting old thing ain't for pussies!

Grief

I know I don't update this as I should but this is my sounding board. I write down what is going thru my mind at times when I'm being reflective. 

Today is a sad, sad, sad day. My youngest daughter Madison gave birth today to her 21 week old baby. The baby, Princess, did not make it. Madison is consumed with grief and it is breaking my heart into a million pieces to witness it. I hurt when she hurts, it's just the way it is. I want to be able to ease or remove her pain, but there is no way or no words that will do that.

 I can't say I know what she is going thru, because I have not lost a child or had a life inside me. I know that I would be totally devastated if something were to happen to her or her sister, God forbid. I am grieving my grand daughter, and my heart aches badly and I am saddened by the knowledge I will never get to play with her like I do my other grand baby Ava. I was so looking forward to spoiling her as much as I could. God will have to do that now, for me.

I worry that this will be the catalyst of Madison falling into depression and losing herself. It's easy to say " You'll get thru this.", when it's just as likely she won't. She will never be the same, ever again. If she does come thru it, it will be with a big hole in her heart and life. I know that my love and support will be helpful and critical to her well being, I just pray that our collective love is enough to do that. 

Grief is a natural process to the situation. And it takes time to ease that grief, but it never truly goes away. It is always right there, in the corner of your heart, waiting to twist it into a knot, and knocking you for a loop.

I love you, Princess, with all of my heart! While God takes care of you, He and I will be watching over Mommy!