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Monday, February 24, 2014

Grief

I know I don't update this as I should but this is my sounding board. I write down what is going thru my mind at times when I'm being reflective. 
Today is a sad, sad, sad day. My youngest daughter Madison gave birth today to her 21 week old baby. The baby, Princess, did not make it. Madison is consumed with grief and it is breaking my heart into a million pieces to witness it. I hurt when she hurts, it's just the way it is. I want to be able to ease or remove her pain, but there is no way or no words that will do that.
 I can't say I know what she is going thru, because I have not lost a child or had a life inside me. I know that I would be totally devastated if something were to happen to her or her sister, God forbid. I am grieving my grand daughter, and my heart aches badly and I am saddened by the knowledge I will never get to play with her like I do my other grand baby Ava. I was so looking forward to spoiling her as much as I could. God will have to do that now, for me.
I worry that this will be the catalyst of Madison falling into depression and losing herself. It's easy to say " You'll get thru this.", when it's just as likely she won't. She will never be the same, ever again. If she does come thru it, it will be with a big hole in her heart and life. I know that my love and support will be helpful and critical to her well being, I just pray that our collective love is enough to do that. 
Grief is a natural process to the situation. And it takes time to ease that grief, but it never truly goes away. It is always right there, in the corner of your heart, waiting to twist it into a knot, and knocking you for a loop.
I love you, Princess, with all of my heart! While God takes care of you, He and I will be watching over Mommy!

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