I really have fallen down on the job of keeping this blog going. It is roughly 5 years later and I am adding to my list of posts. A lot has changed over the years. First and foremost I am now RETIRED! Yep I finally took the plunge and retired two years ago now. I don't regret it one bit, and the cool thing is I still go back to work for Cox every now and then as a contractor. I work with my lifelong friends and ex brother in laws doing the same thing I did before, installing equipment and cabling it up in the MTC and STC in the Gulf Coast region so far. It's not an every day gig, just occasionally.

Also, I have another granddaughter! Whitlynn Anne Douglas. She is 2 1/2 yrs old now. I love her every bit as much as Ava Rose, who is going on 10. They both have complete rule over my heart and I still try to spoil the shit outta them as much as I can. I am on a fixed income you know..... LOL. Life is so much more fun with small ones around. Tomorrow I plan on taking Ava with me to the local County Commissioners meeting. She needs to be introduced to how her government works! I have become a little more politically active in my retirement. Go figure.

I still struggle with my diabetes and work on keeping it in check, not doing so good with that however.... I still love riding my bikes and even bought an ATV before I retired. I got one that Ava Rose and I can ride together. She loves to ride it, but I don't get to take it out too much. That's something I'm gonna have to rectify this fall. This summer has been brutal with the heat. We have had 100 degree plus days for weeks. My old body just can't take the heat so much anymore.

We went on our annual bike trip this year and rented a house in Waynesville N.C. that was just amazing! Spectacular views all around the house. It was on the ridge of the mountain and quite a trip to get to. But, definitely worth the effort and money spent. I'll try to add to this site more often as I remember and have things to share.

My Ava Rose!!!

I'm in a writing mood tonite, so I'll make a second blog entry....

I hit the Powerball earlier this month for a hundred bucks. I didn't realize it until this past weekend when I finally got around to checking my tickets. So with that cash in my pocket, I went to pick up Ava from day care as I normally do on Monday. We have a routine of going to Taco Bell for dinner, her choice of choices! So she asks if we can go when we are walking to the truck and this is our conversation......
"Not today honey, I have a surprise for you!"
"Oh boy Pop Pop, I love surprises!What is it?"
"Well, if I tell you then it won't be a surprise will it?"
" No, but I love surprises!"

Duly noted, and filed! So I head towards Target which is right down the road. As we start to turn in, she notices and gets all excited....
" That's Target, Pop Pop! That's my favorite!!!" (Just about everything is her favorite, for reference...)
"Yes indeed, that is Target, honey."
" Are we going there?"
"Yes we are, honey."
At which point she lets loose with a very excited giggle, she knows that her surprise lies in said store..... warmed my heart to no end.
"Pop Pop is going to let you pick out a couple of toys, and that is your surprise!!"
"Can I go to the little girls section? "
"you can go to any section you want!"

I thought her little head was going to explode. She was amped to the max at this point and I could barely get her outta the seat she was squirming so bad. It struck me at that moment just how much I enjoy spoiling the shit out of this kid. I don't know who was more excited, her or me. I chuckled so much watching her pick the toys she wanted. I tried to make sure she looked at different things to be sure what she wanted was what she got. She quickly made up her mind on two items and before I knew it we were on our way to the checkout counter.  I tell her we have to go by the grocery store and pick up some milk on the way home, and she is ok but anxious to get home to start playing with her new toys.  We pull into the parking lot of the shopping center and as we are headed into the grocery store she spots Beall's outlet store.
"I wanna go there, Pop Pop."
"And what do you want there?"
"I need some new shoes, Pop Pop"

OMG!!! She is already a shopping hound......

And the cycle is complete once again, like mother, like daughter...... I flash back on a shopping trip long ago with her Mom, when she was roughly the same age. We went to the Mall to find a certain pair of tennis shoes she just had to have. Now I know why it gives me so much pleasure to spoil this child! It's because I have spoiled her Mom and Aunt Maddie all of their lives to the very best of my ability!!!!!! It's genetic engineering at work, I can't control it. Hell I don't even try anymore, that's the truth. At least with her Mom and Aunt I held back some....... I think, I'm pretty sure I did, maybe....... but with Ava, no freaking way, I have no control. It's the beauty of being a grandchild, the grandparents have a moral obligation and downright legal right to spoil and pamper in any way , shape, or form, so help me God!!!! At least I'm not the only one doing it, both her Nana's and Grandpa  are just as guilty as me. Remember, we have a moral obligation and God given right, by golly!!  At least that's my story and I'm sticking to it!!! In the end, I think I got the most out of that deal, I got to watch my Ava Rose light up with a big smile and make her feel special, which she is, no doubt.

And she got some furry slippers from Beall's.......... Come on, you knew it was gonna happen.......

Health & Food, or lack thereof .....

Hello again! True to form it has been awhile since I checked in. Madison is doing ok, thank God, although I feel like she has moments when it haunts her. I think of her (Princess), quite often myself and pray that I can see her, if that is in God's plan.
I have not been feeling too good myself. I had to have a stent put in due to a blocked artery, a couple of months back. I had this strange sensation for about a week or two in my chest. I liken it to the time I smoked Kool menthol cigarettes. I first noticed it when I was out in the yard working or actually piddling around. It was cold out and I took in a deep breath. That was when I noticed it, for lack of better description, an air conditioned chest sensation.  Kinda like smoking menthol cigarettes but more intense. It went away after I went inside and sat down, and I had that same sensation several times over the next week or so. It increasingly got a little more intense. It usually occurred during any kind of physical exertion. Then one morning getting ready for work it was real intense and all I was doing was putting on my shoes and bending over. That was it, I drove myself to the hospital that specializes in cardiac emergencies.
They immediately took me back and started monitoring and taking blood and all of that. I was in the hospital for the next 3 days gettin' fixed. I have never been so damn bored in all of my life! Three days doing nothing but watching TV, playing on the internet with my iPad and eating shitty hospital food, dammit man!!! My only saving grace was all of my family and friends coming by or calling to check up on me. I really appreciated all of the love shown to this Crazy Old Bastid', it warmed my hurt deeply.
My diabetes is really giving me fits of late. I am trying to get my blood sugar down to respectable level but it seems to be more elusive than the fabled pot o' gold at the end of the rainbow. It seems like no matter what I do it does not have the desired results. I'm taking three different diabetic medicines, two different insulin shots and one pill. I take a total of 5 shots between the insulin types a day, when I can remember to take them. I'm pretty good at doing the shots first thing in the morning, and in the evening, but the one at lunch is hit and miss.
Damn, I just checked my blood sugar since I was thinking about it and it was 134! That is the lowest I have hit in forever. And this is about 3 hours after eating my dinner!! I had a salad with blueberries, strawberries, sunflower seeds, cranberries and easy on the croutons and Zesty Italian dressing. I'll have to remember that and start eating more salad. I just can't eat salad all the time though, and therein lies the problem. Being a bachelor and incapable of cooking worth a fuck, I rely on quick meals thrown together from, or out of a package. That is THE problem..... my diabetes and my heart condition are confirmation that I need to change my way of eating.  I can't always eat the right thing but I can make a conscious decision to eat the right thing more often. Which is why I chose the salad with all the berries in it. And it paid off. Now I just have to refrain from "snacking" on the wrong thing before retiring for the night. I've said it before and I'll say it again, this getting old thing ain't for pussies!

Grief

I know I don't update this as I should but this is my sounding board. I write down what is going thru my mind at times when I'm being reflective. 

Today is a sad, sad, sad day. My youngest daughter Madison gave birth today to her 21 week old baby. The baby, Princess, did not make it. Madison is consumed with grief and it is breaking my heart into a million pieces to witness it. I hurt when she hurts, it's just the way it is. I want to be able to ease or remove her pain, but there is no way or no words that will do that.

 I can't say I know what she is going thru, because I have not lost a child or had a life inside me. I know that I would be totally devastated if something were to happen to her or her sister, God forbid. I am grieving my grand daughter, and my heart aches badly and I am saddened by the knowledge I will never get to play with her like I do my other grand baby Ava. I was so looking forward to spoiling her as much as I could. God will have to do that now, for me.

I worry that this will be the catalyst of Madison falling into depression and losing herself. It's easy to say " You'll get thru this.", when it's just as likely she won't. She will never be the same, ever again. If she does come thru it, it will be with a big hole in her heart and life. I know that my love and support will be helpful and critical to her well being, I just pray that our collective love is enough to do that. 

Grief is a natural process to the situation. And it takes time to ease that grief, but it never truly goes away. It is always right there, in the corner of your heart, waiting to twist it into a knot, and knocking you for a loop.

I love you, Princess, with all of my heart! While God takes care of you, He and I will be watching over Mommy!

Road trips

I am in Franklin, Tennessee near the end of a road trip with my best friends. We try to do one every year. We have a good time being together and riding our bikes to new and familiar places. This year is especially sweet as my buddies Danny and Carol are able to join us again. They did not make it last year as Danny had some health issues. 

Whenever you have a group of people riding there is always a certain amount of confusion and aggravation. I don't seem to be handling it too well this year. My patience level is extremely low and I am being difficult with my friends. Even though we set out to not have plans for being anywhere in particular on any given day or time, I still like to have a general idea of where we are going to wind up, it helps me plan out the ride as It seems I have been tasked as Road Captain. My friends don't seem to realize the stress they put on me to get them from one place to another with a minimal amount of fuss.

So, when we set out to go somewhere I don't want to be hit with a change of plans mid stream.  I guess I need to be a little more flexible, but it's aggravating still. I know my Diabetes causes me to be irritable and doesn't help either. I don't mean to be ornery, I just can't help it......

But overall, I enjoy being with them and doing exactly what we are doing, sharing good times and building memories. All of the little frustrations will be forgotten by the end of the trip and we will start looking forward to next years trip. Cycle to be repeated as long as the good Lord allows us to throw a leg over a seat! Because in the end, there is no place I'd rather be.....

Day ride- decompression

Every now and then, you just have to get away from all the bullshit at work. Take a day off and go riding. Doesn't have to be to anywhere specific, or of any distance. Just a day of relaxation. That's what today is, a day away from the stress, drama, and aggravation. Out riding with my buddy James. Eating lunch at Ozone Pizza, one of my favorite places in town. Kinda cool out but not too bad. These are the moments to live for!!!!!

Assholes....

You know, I have ran across some assholes in my life. I've even been an asshole myself before. Truth be known, I have been called that more times than I can remember..... But occasionally I reflect back on those times and question myself as to what I could have done differently. Introspection is a bitch, but necessary for growth. It paid off today
when dealing with one of the biggest assholes I know. Normally I would have lost my temper and reverted to hurling profanities just moments after getting shitty attitude from this short, fat, pencil dick, mother fucker. But today, I managed to not lose my temper and revert to my base instincts, and cuss the idiot out!! See, there is something to be said for introspection and growth!!! I now wait to express my frustrations in writing for this blog...... What was that Charlie Sheen said.... WINNING!!!